One of the things that attracted me to Tokyo was how glamorous it seemed to be, with everyone dressed to kill. I wanted to marvel at the beautiful people all around me, and maybe I hoped it was somehow contagious. See, I was in a rut back home. I needed some glitz in my life, and I hoped I could find it this city, famous for its bright lights and brighter finery. I wasn’t disappointed.
However there was one thing I didn’t really plan for. Yes, many of the people here, especially the women, are stunning. I wasn’t prepared for the tireless attention women in Tokyo put into their appearance. There are many girls here who wouldn’t dream of leaving the house without their hair extensions glued in tight, their nails done right, and heels at least three inches high. I’d estimate at least a quarter of the women I see out and about in Tokyo everyday are bona fide head-turners.
I also wasn’t prepared for the level of…enthusiasm foreign men would have for these glamorous real-life Barbies, and not long after getting settled in a little voice inside began to say, “hey, what about me?” I tried to ignore it, chalked it up to insecurity. Besides, I was getting my share of attention from men here and there, but I was always grudgingly aware that if Japan were a Pizza Hut my share was a pepperoni slice, while my Japanese counterparts where gorging on the number 10 party combo. See, for some reason Japanese men don’t go after foreign women with the same passion. The voice began to get angrier, and harder to ignore.
What do they got that I don’t got? These fools just want a woman who’s submissive. Foreign women don’t want them, that’s why they go crazy for Japanese girls. Besides, Japanese girls are easy, no wonder men love them. Who wouldn’t want a girl who would drop her pants just because you look vaguely like the guy she saw in
a movie once?
Constantly having the assumed superiority of Japanese women rubbed in my face was highly irritating, and all that rubbing caused painful blisters to form and made me grouchy and ugly.
I began to see Japanese girls as the enemy. I’d feel my lip curl in disgust when I saw a girl pulling down her mini skirt to try to shield as much of her skinny little thighs from the cold of mid-January as possible. Bitch, just wear some damn jeans!
Fast forward about eight months later. Some of the women I met that day became friends that I see on a regular basis. Hooray! I was cured. The blisters had popped, and the haterade inside had drained right? I’d thought so, until I went to Disneyland with my boyfriend. I went to the bathroom and when I came out there was a girl at the sink. A real cutie with smooth skin and rosy cheeks, hair in pigtails, perfect makeup and a fitted dress that flared femininely around her hips…well except for that part at the back that was tucked into her pantyhose. Before I could even think Egorella was all over it. She let out a whoop of pure evil joy.
Aaaaahahahah! She thinks she’s too cute, checking herself out in the mirror like that. And her skirt is stuck in her panties! What a stupid chick!
These otherworldly Japanese beauties were fallible after all! She was about to walk outside like that, mooning all of Disney Land! Ahahahah….ah, I couldn’t let that happen, could I? But she deserved it…didn’t she? Or didn’t she? Damn, I had to tell her. After all, it wasn’t her fault I thought she was cuter than me. I tapped her on the shoulder.
“Sumimasen…”
I didn’t know how to say “your panties are trying to eat your skirt” in Japanese so I just sort of gestured to her behind. Her perfectly manicured hands flew to her backside, where she felt that something was very wrong. She “arigatou gozaimasu-ed” me and bowed, and I did my awkward bow/nod thing I do, and then got of there.
This jealousy that foreign women can have for Japanese women is something I’ve bumped into online before when reading blogs by foreign women, but never really saw it written about in much detail. I do hear the hate/frustration come out of the mouths of other foreign friends from time to time, despite having Japanese women as friends. My foreign girlfriends will even sometimes admit they feel bad saying such things, but it’s like it goes without saying that they mean some other girl, perhaps one of those girls who exclusively seduce foreign men. They’ll say things like:
I heard Japanese women are bad in bed. They just lie there.
Guys just want someone who will do what they tell them, that’s why they love Japanese girls.
Behind these statements are feelings of betrayal, and they remind me of Chapter 4 of the autobiography of Malcolm X, in which Malcolm dumps his loyal black girlfriend Laura for a sexy white seductress named Sophia. The allure of the exotic and the bragging rights of being with a white woman were too much for him to resist. Laura goes from bookworm to prostitute, and Malcolm blames himself for her downfall.
This cliché of black men flocking to white woman who just want to use them as accessories is one I grew up on. However it’s interesting to see this phenomenon play out in Japan, because the girlfriends and coworkers I refer to are from countries like Australia, America and England, and the majority of them are white. Doesn’t it stand to reason then that I should be happy to see white women getting a taste of their own medicine? Strangely no, because you see the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
But here’s the thing, I didn’t pack up my life and move here to make enemies. I came here to learn a thing or two about myself, and life and the world we live in. And I’ve realized many of the men who claim to “love” Japanese women are working off of stereotypes, and that “love” I’ve been so jealous of is nothing more then objectification. Hell, when I did a google search for images for this post, most of the results were of women in bikinis. Hating on cute Japanese chicks is a waste of time, unless I also wanted to be objectified. Besides, when you think you’re great, there’s no need to hate. Japanese, Black, White, Latino, Native American…whatever. All women have their charms, and it’s our duty to find them and work them as best we can. So I say props to Japanese women for doing what you gotta do to pull the man of your dreams. Though I still scratch my head at some of you wearing heels to the supermarket, I can’t deny that I admire your dedication.
So I guess the main point to take away from this post is, its men who are the real enemy 
.
Very interesting and amusing post!
Actually I never hated Japanese women. Why should I?
Some are just very annoying when they try to sound uber-cute using an unnatural high voice or when they’re squealing “Cute, cute!!”.
I don’t think it’s the fault of Japanese women that foreign women have less chances.
I’ve been single ever since I moved to Japan 5 years ago. I’ve also never been on a date. But I didn’t come to Japan for dates. Just like you I came here to learn a few things, so I really don’t care much.
It might be frustrating sometimes, but I really never hated Japanese women because of THAT!
I read in another blog a really funny story where a foreign guy woke up and his encounter from last night freaked out when he opened the bathroom door as she was still without make-up and fake hair, nails etc.
He got the shock of his life, because he had no idea who this ugly bitch was! *ROFL*
Yes, there is a certain type of women who does her best to live up to the stereotypes here who I will likely never find much love in my heart for.
However I wouldn’t say I hate or even hated Japanese women. Resented? Yes. Felt Envious of? Absolutely. But Hated? Nah.
I don’t wear too much make-up or put in hair extensions. That way when I take it all off at night I only go from a 10/10 down to a 9/10
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I think the problem is not so much the Japanese women but, rather, the Japanese men. It is quite refreshing for me to have girls willing to come up and kick off a conversation with me over here, a total turn around from back home. Alternatively, foreign girls who might have been used to just sitting back and looking beautiful while the guys line up to buy them drinks, well, that doesn’t usually work so well in Japan. I know that there are Japanese guys who are interested in dating foreign women but many of them are too shy to make that first approach.
In my experience, the women who are prepared to leave their pride on the table and dive in are likely to find dates with the locals here, while those that wait to be approached will be left in the cold. Of course, there is a sizeable expat population here so there are opportunities there as well.
Hmm, well then the problem isn’t Japanese men,
But foreign women no? For waiting to be approached by Japanese, or any men?
I think the problem is people’s willingness to believe the hype and stereotypes about each other.
Well it does seem like a common complaint of Japanese women as well, google “japanese men herbivores”. I imagine the cultural gap in dating only exacerbates this. Also, stereotypes aren’t born in a vacuum.
Yeah the “herbivore” men of Japan are a well known social issue. Well, nothing is really born in a vacuum. I’m sure even tabloids and ghost stories have some grain of truth at their heart.
I don’t think it has to do with pride.
Some women (including me) are just extremely shy.
Yep there is that, the same way Japanese men can be shy. I find they get braver once they get some liquid courage in their veins though lol.
Indeed, work up some liquid courage then offer to buy the nearest cutie a drink and see how it goes. You might be pleasantly surprised
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So am I, so I know how that feels. But, also, my pride is/was fragile so it was difficult to almost always get rejected when attempting traditional approaches in bars, clubs etc. back home. Anyway, both sexes have various trials throughout life that we need to deal with, that’s for sure!
Men are the enemy??? Whaaaat??
Yeah I never got the whole high-heels-in-the-supermarket bit either. I’m really curious about the female perspective on Japan. It seems to me that it’d be a lot different from the male perspective. Thanks for writing about all of this.
I agree with you: I think guys from “the West” do operate on a lot of stereotypes when it comes to Japanese women.
Yep, and when people are actively seeking to confirm a stereotype they will of course find evidence of it’s “truth”.
I’ve always said that someday I want to be a strong as a Japanese woman’s legs- they walk around in 4 inch heels, with short shorts and knee high socks in the snow, then still have the energy to pedal their bike up hill with a kid on the handle bars, a second one on the back, a bag of groceries hanging off each handle bar, all without taking off the damn 4 inch heels!
Fashion is a way of life out here in Tokyo.
This entire post sums up for me what is wrong with a lot of foreign women’s attitudes towards appearances, dating, and Japanese women in Tokyo. “I can never be as cute/beautiful/thin as they are, so I’m going to hate them and bitch about them for being shallow airheaded bimbos. Why should I go all out every day just because they’re all so incredibly vain and man-hungry? It’s all men’s fault for chasing stereotyped images of female desirability created by a savage consumer media, anyway. Waaaah.”
No. This is Tokyo. Whether you like it or not, whether it’s right or not, the standards for personal appearance are much, much higher here than anywhere else in the world. The only city I’ve been to in which the women were this beautiful, slim and well-dressed is Milan.
Of course, how you choose to dress and present yourself is absolutely your prerogative; you can wear jeans and a shapeless sweater and no makeup and scrape your hair back and walk around Shibuya with a rucksack if you so choose, as indeed I see so many foreign women do here. But in the same vein, it’s a Japanese – and indeed Russian or any other nationality – woman’s prerogative to wear heels to the supermarket and tiny skirts in winter if she so chooses. Maybe she feels prettier and more confident in that outfit than she would if she dressed in the aforementioned jeans and sweater. That’s her choice. Just as you cannot comprehend heels in the supermarket, I find it impossible to understand how some foreign girls here can go out looking the way they do. When I see these girls, and when I hear them complaining that they can’t get a date here, that quotation – “there are no ugly women, only lazy ones” – comes to mind.
I find it extremely problematic that you assume that Japanese women are all dolling themselves up in order to “pull the man of [their] dreams”. I don’t know how many Japanese female friends you have, but if you’ve been here any significant length of time you should know that making yourself look pretty here is rarely about catching men. It’s for other women your age; it’s for yourself.
It’s totally up to you as to whether you choose to participate in this game, but you cannot make zero effort and then complain that men – both Japanese and non – aren’t flocking to you in droves. If you don’t want to be “objectified”, that’s fine. But there is a difference between dressing up in order to be objectified and looking cute and pretty for your own satisfaction. If you want to compete on this playing field, you have to step your game up.
This article was meant to be a tongue-in-cheek personal reflection, not an attack on Japanese women, and I certainly don’t think, and haven’t had anyone else comment that they felt that to be the case, so I’m not sure why you do?
“it’s a Japanese – and indeed Russian or any other nationality – woman’s prerogative to wear heels to the supermarket and tiny skirts in winter if she so chooses.”
Thank you for paraphrasing what I already said at the end of the post.
The root of fashion, the core psychology behind it is sexual enticement. Couple that with the well known social stigma that a woman should be married by 25 in Japan and I think my judgement that Japanese women dress up to attract men is a sound one. And I also said, in so many words, there is nothing wrong with that.
I find it extremely problematic that you assume I make “zero effort”. I also find your use of the quote “there are no ugly women, only lazy ones” telling. Surely you’re not saying that a Japanese or Russian woman’s charm is in her ability to better create artifice than the next woman? Trust me there are ugly women, though they may be able to hide it with make-up, or hair extensions or good old-fashioned genetics.
“The root of fashion, the core psychology behind it is sexual enticement”
I definitely disagree with that. A lot of women (and men) dress for their personal satisfaction and their love of clothing, dress, design, art, certain lifestyle, luxury, sensibility, self-expression, beliefs, etc. That may indirectly involve attracting someone you like though. If everyone believed that dressing well was to sexually entice, then “well-dressed” people would certainly dress a lot differently since there is a lot of influence that goes into how people choose clothes (ie. art, movies, culture). Maybe everyone would wear bikinis, it’s just simpler than way? Have you ever heard of the fashion blog “Man Repeller”, it showcases one woman who dresses for herself, for fun, and acknowledges some fashion trends aren’t attractive to the opposite sex but are worn because she likes it (hence: man repeller). Not to mention that putting importance into that statement (the one up top) enables men (or women) to objectify their person of interest by justifying that they were asking for it (because why dress nicely if you didn’t want me to leer at you). I have actually read an article recently that expressed that opinion, so people do believe that.
I can see both sides here. The article is meant to be tongue-in-cheek and self-deprecating but personally, I can see how it seems more ego-driven (still) than humbling.
You make some good points, and you’re right people do in fact use the fact that a woman dresses a certain way to justify objectification.
But I still feel fashion, by it’s nature, is a form of peacocking as well as expression. And I do believe there is more pressure in Japan for a woman to get married. Therefore when you put two and two together, I will again say it’s not a big leap in logic to assume attracting a mate or impressing a current mate is a major driving force behind fashion in Tokyo, for men and women but I’ll only focus on women as that’s who I dealt with in my post.
Hey I never said the post was meant to be humbling,
Merely self-reflecting on what’s going on in my head.
Do you think the reason that we see Japanese women as the enemy is because we spend too much time around Western men? Not just any Western men either but the ones who have moved to Japan for the express purpose of getting a Japanese girlfriend. If you are constantly being compared unfavourably to Japanese girls, where overtly or not, it gets annoying.
If a guy says he prefers Japanese women or that he finds them attractive, that’s expression a personal taste. If he says that Japanese women are better than Western women (who are all fat, ball busting bitches) then he’s a bastard and not worth dating (or even hanging out with) anyway.
It really is objectification and notice how many guys who marry their “perfect” Japanese girlfriends are on forums complaining about their relationships – how their wife has changed after marriaged. She hasn’t changed, it’s just the scales have fallen from your eyes!
Btw both times I lived in Tokyo, I lived in the shitamachi area. I met a lot of women who were far from the perfect Japanese stereotype!
Yep, that’s what I was trying to get at in the post. The western women who hate on Japanese women are jealous/hurt. If you teach English it’s hard not to bump into Western men, but even if you don’t hang around them it’s a hard memo to miss.
Yes I don’t see how being attracted to someone solely for their race/your preconceptions about that race could be anything else but objectification.
This all echos from the shocking vibrations of WW2, kindof a cosmic re-balancing act.
That’s interesting how so? Do you mean a Japanese woman’s tendency to dress up? In Tokyo anyway.
Hi Amanda!
I absolutely LOVE your blog! I’m a big fan of Loco, and we met at a work event, I was star stuck (!!), then he mentioned you, so here I am! It’s nice to hear about a fellow foreign female blogging about those issues, something I’ve never tackled- so kudos. I can relate so much to what you wrote, I used to feel the same way a few years back, and it was so frustrating. But you did the right thing and I did the same- I have many gorgeous female Japanese friends now and they’ve been amazing to me, and I also see their realities. Even if they’re so desirable to foreign men here, they’re not always treated with respect (even less than foreign girls) and it’s not all peachy for them. Thanks for tackling that issue. It’s not easy being a foreign female in Japan, but I’ve grown to love it, especially since I’ve been hanging around with the good kind of people. Best wishes for the holidays, I really hope we get to meet someday!! xx
Hi Vivian,
That would be nice if we could meet someday! Thanks for reading my blog and for your comment!
I really enjoy your blog. Thanks for it! I am dreaming of beeing in Japan. May be sometime dreams come true)
Thanks! I hope you make it to Japan someday
Stereotypes and dating… a seemingly global endemic. Great post, though I also want to add that even in North America (USA in particular) there is the issue of Asian men and African women being dealt the poor hand when it comes to relationships with their kinsmen, and not surprisingly “the internet” seems to give their reasons as to why this is how it is.
I call all of the reasonings bullshit, and there once was a time I was concerned about it, as an Asian man, but why waste time and getting a headache by arguing with thousands of ignorant people on the internet? Better instead to practise what you preach in order to enrich your life and eventually perceptions will change, like they always have throughout history.