One of the things that attracted me to Tokyo was how glamorous it seemed to be, with everyone dressed to kill. I wanted to marvel at the beautiful people all around me, and maybe I hoped it was somehow contagious. See, I was in a rut back home. I needed some glitz in my life, and I hoped I could find it this city, famous for its bright lights and brighter finery. I wasn’t disappointed.
However there was one thing I didn’t really plan for. Yes, many of the people here, especially the women, are stunning. I wasn’t prepared for the tireless attention women in Tokyo put into their appearance. There are many girls here who wouldn’t dream of leaving the house without their hair extensions glued in tight, their nails done right, and heels at least three inches high. I’d estimate at least a quarter of the women I see out and about in Tokyo everyday are bona fide head-turners.
I also wasn’t prepared for the level of…enthusiasm foreign men would have for these glamorous real-life Barbies, and not long after getting settled in a little voice inside began to say, “hey, what about me?” I tried to ignore it, chalked it up to insecurity. Besides, I was getting my share of attention from men here and there, but I was always grudgingly aware that if Japan were a Pizza Hut my share was a pepperoni slice, while my Japanese counterparts where gorging on the number 10 party combo. See, for some reason Japanese men don’t go after foreign women with the same passion. The voice began to get angrier, and harder to ignore.
What do they got that I don’t got? These fools just want a woman who’s submissive. Foreign women don’t want them, that’s why they go crazy for Japanese girls. Besides, Japanese girls are easy, no wonder men love them. Who wouldn’t want a girl who would drop her pants just because you look vaguely like the guy she saw in
a movie once?
Constantly having the assumed superiority of Japanese women rubbed in my face was highly irritating, and all that rubbing caused painful blisters to form and made me grouchy and ugly.
I began to see Japanese girls as the enemy. I’d feel my lip curl in disgust when I saw a girl pulling down her mini skirt to try to shield as much of her skinny little thighs from the cold of mid-January as possible. Bitch, just wear some damn jeans!
Fast forward about eight months later. Some of the women I met that day became friends that I see on a regular basis. Hooray! I was cured. The blisters had popped, and the haterade inside had drained right? I’d thought so, until I went to Disneyland with my boyfriend. I went to the bathroom and when I came out there was a girl at the sink. A real cutie with smooth skin and rosy cheeks, hair in pigtails, perfect makeup and a fitted dress that flared femininely around her hips…well except for that part at the back that was tucked into her pantyhose. Before I could even think Egorella was all over it. She let out a whoop of pure evil joy.
Aaaaahahahah! She thinks she’s too cute, checking herself out in the mirror like that. And her skirt is stuck in her panties! What a stupid chick!
These otherworldly Japanese beauties were fallible after all! She was about to walk outside like that, mooning all of Disney Land! Ahahahah….ah, I couldn’t let that happen, could I? But she deserved it…didn’t she? Or didn’t she? Damn, I had to tell her. After all, it wasn’t her fault I thought she was cuter than me. I tapped her on the shoulder.
“Sumimasen…”
I didn’t know how to say “your panties are trying to eat your skirt” in Japanese so I just sort of gestured to her behind. Her perfectly manicured hands flew to her backside, where she felt that something was very wrong. She “arigatou gozaimasu-ed” me and bowed, and I did my awkward bow/nod thing I do, and then got of there.
This jealousy that foreign women can have for Japanese women is something I’ve bumped into online before when reading blogs by foreign women, but never really saw it written about in much detail. I do hear the hate/frustration come out of the mouths of other foreign friends from time to time, despite having Japanese women as friends. My foreign girlfriends will even sometimes admit they feel bad saying such things, but it’s like it goes without saying that they mean some other girl, perhaps one of those girls who exclusively seduce foreign men. They’ll say things like:
I heard Japanese women are bad in bed. They just lie there.
Guys just want someone who will do what they tell them, that’s why they love Japanese girls.
Behind these statements are feelings of betrayal, and they remind me of Chapter 4 of the autobiography of Malcolm X, in which Malcolm dumps his loyal black girlfriend Laura for a sexy white seductress named Sophia. The allure of the exotic and the bragging rights of being with a white woman were too much for him to resist. Laura goes from bookworm to prostitute, and Malcolm blames himself for her downfall.
This cliché of black men flocking to white woman who just want to use them as accessories is one I grew up on. However it’s interesting to see this phenomenon play out in Japan, because the girlfriends and coworkers I refer to are from countries like Australia, America and England, and the majority of them are white. Doesn’t it stand to reason then that I should be happy to see white women getting a taste of their own medicine? Strangely no, because you see the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
But here’s the thing, I didn’t pack up my life and move here to make enemies. I came here to learn a thing or two about myself, and life and the world we live in. And I’ve realized many of the men who claim to “love” Japanese women are working off of stereotypes, and that “love” I’ve been so jealous of is nothing more then objectification. Hell, when I did a google search for images for this post, most of the results were of women in bikinis. Hating on cute Japanese chicks is a waste of time, unless I also wanted to be objectified. Besides, when you think you’re great, there’s no need to hate. Japanese, Black, White, Latino, Native American…whatever. All women have their charms, and it’s our duty to find them and work them as best we can. So I say props to Japanese women for doing what you gotta do to pull the man of your dreams. Though I still scratch my head at some of you wearing heels to the supermarket, I can’t deny that I admire your dedication.
So I guess the main point to take away from this post is, its men who are the real enemy 
.
I agree with the commenter, Chris Davis. I may not live in Japan but upon my visit there, I found Japanese girls more approachable to talk to on holiday even though it was for directions. But hopefully my view on Japanese boys will change when I meet more.
Interesting topic. I don’t think I was ever really jealous of Japanese women, but mostly because I knew I’d stand out regardless. I’m quite far from being “cute and petite” and was never really into fashion and makeup (though I did get an interest in b-kei and onee-kei while I was in Japan). For the most part, I wasn’t jealous of them so much as felt some slight pity for them. I remember watching TV and seeing J-women who weren’t married being crapped on. I wondered if many female tarento were really just playing “dumb” and “weak” to because it was what men wanted. And I would cringed when I’d see some women walking around in shoes that clearly hurt their feet, but doing so to appear cute and fashionable. LOL thought I see women do that in the states too, and I still don’t get it.
But I can understand why some non J-women would feel this way. Before going to Japan, most of the forums and message boards I’d read about life in Japan were filled with men who really seemed to get a kick out of talking about how crappy western women are and how awesome J-women are. I did have male coworkers that would talk horribly about J-women, just seeing them as pieces of ass. I was so disgusted by this behavior because I don’t want to hear anyone talk about women that way period. And in Japanese media finding a foreign male was much easier than finding women (which is why I LOVE Ai-chiteru when it was on TV).
But I also felt like there was a grass is greener case. I had some female coworkers that wished they were more like me personally or western woman in general…all while hearing some western woman wishing they were more like J-women. So I didn’t really have any issues, in fact women were much more open to me than men. LOL plus they introduced me to guys. ;P
Japanese women have it rough when it comes to maintaining the illusion of perfection, I think. It seems women who are say above a size 4 face a lot of pressure, but it’s accepted pressure. I feel it’s almost OK to mock a fat woman here, because “how dare she be fat”, I dunno. I remember seeing either a TV commercial or some skit on a variety show were there were three chubby Japanese woman, and they were dressed as girly, cutesy pigs and were supposed to be in some kind of band. It made me sad.
I know not all foreign women feel the way I and some others I’ve talked to felt (feel?), and it also has to do with my own insecurity, but that insecurity is aggravated here. I do love the fashion here though, and I get inspired, even if I don’t necessarily go all out. If I wear heels I tend to keep them to under 3 inches, and I never wear wigs. And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna pay 10,000 yen to get my nails done
, not on this English teacher salary. And I hate false lashes, I stick with mascara.
I don’t wish I was more like Japanese women, it just irks me that certain men believe I’m inferior because I’m not.
I don’t think Japanese women are all that, it is mostly foreign guys in Japan who are obsessed with Japanese women. If you were a Japanese girl then you would just attract a pack of white guys. I feel no envy for attracting that. I notice a lot of Japanese guys drool over non-Asian girls and say Japanese girls are nothing special in appearance. Men in the Western World obsess over obedient Asian women, so its mostly non-Asian men who say Asian girls are superior.
It looks like we’re on the same page! That’s exactly what I wrote, with the exception that Japanese women are obedient by nature. Some are, but more just have a different way of asserting themselves.
personal Asian are the hottest beautiful and humble girls in the world there a mystique with Japanese girl they a fit not fat they eat healthy no fat shitty food they promote peace and not war they are one on the most advance technological country in the planet who would want to marry a Japanese girl people that put bad review special white people that put bad review are heaters people that cant tolerated because of their ignorance that Japanese girl are superior in every single way that you look at it while some girl white girl think that they are the most pretty the mos beautiful after they put 100 kilos of make up and they think they are perfect because of the 100 kilos of make up then they get married and once their husband see how they really look like they run and get a divorce so before you comment something bad thing about it if you at least have some manner and a little education don’t just say guys that like Japanese are obsessed with Japanese girl that’s funny after all the fact that i give you like Japanese girl cook they are good wife they are submissive they are fit and eat healthy and many more no because you put your nasty fat into a bra or your nasty cellulites in to jean mean your are hot if i take you to going to spill all over the bed your nasty fat.
I let this through as an example of why I screen comments.
you’re racist. No race or ethnicity is superior.
If you think so then you’re just racist or you have yellow-fever.
As a member of the “enemy,” all I can say is that men are going to value looks and value women who try hard to make them happy. In a million years this’ll still be true. If girls from another culture are working harder than you are in both of these areas, you either need to step up your game or resign yourself to being our last resort pick.
Of the guys I know who visited or lived in Asia, 90% came back with more than a bit of “yellow fever” because of the way the girls over there treated them. The sad truth is the other 10% basically reveal themselves to be racists — saying something like “Yeah those girls were nice but I want my kids to be the same color as me.” That’s the type of guy that you’re left with if you don’t compete…
So what’s the point of this post? Are you just venting? You’re not going to change men. The girls who work for our attention are always going to get the best guys.
“Men with ‘Yellow Fever’ get a Taste of Their Own Medicine”
http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2013/03/31/national/men-with-yellow-fever-get-a-taste-of-their-own-medicine/
My favourite passage:
“I believe yellow fever comes from the male ability to project onto women their own fantasies of the ideal woman, which is very possible when there is a language barrier in place that makes communication itself mysterious. If you can’t understand what a woman is asking for or she doesn’t overtly ask for things in a Western way, such a woman may seem less demanding.”
But Japanese women also get sick of a man with nothing to offer.
“Take the case of 42-year-old Mika (she prefers not to disclose her last name), who runs her own beauty consultation firm and is married to her second American husband.
“The first time was to an English teacher, 20 years ago,” she says. “I was so flattered by his interest, so grateful that he found me beautiful. But then I got disappointed by his lack of ambition. I married my second husband for the right reasons — we’re wonderful business partners, we respect and understand each other and we share the same hobbies.”
In your head you’ve conflated doing nice things for your partner with being submissive. Setting aside the fantasies of horny English teachers who want to get loved long time, Asian women aren’t submissive at all. Most are incredibly focused on having kids and they go to great lengths to make this happen.
The more important point for you to realize, though, is that being a sore loser isn’t helping your stock on the dating market. I’m sorry that your culture told you Mr. Right would be handed to you on a silver platter.
I have wanted to visit Japan for a long time, the culture and honor amongst its people is sorely missed in this world. So I visit this website and see this war going on. Male perspective here. It seems to be about confidence levels. As a guy there are 4 kinds of men I have found in my limited experience on this world. Submissive “mr nice guy” fellas. Overly alpha male guys “guy that walks around like a gunslinger at high noon” sociopaths “in the end only cares about themselfs and only them selfs” then guys who have found a balance. Not mr nice guy but he’s mr good guy, not sociopathic, willing to help but assertive enough to not be pushed around. It sounds like you are focusing on the other 3 that go to get there kicks, the right guy is out there but Japanese women shouldn’t be to blame for trying to express what they feel to be a self improvement, especially if its a conscious step toward self improvement “shallow as looks or not”. But I def don’t think Japanese girls are the enemy, it’s the foriegn guys that you have encountered
I don’t think Japanese girls are the enemy either. I think the enemy is anyone, male or female, who insists on believing in and promoting stereotypes.
Men want women, not a bunch of bitter feminist hating “females” who swear and act like sailors on leave. Sorry to be blunt but therein lays the issue. Western women have close to lost their warmth and their femininity. Men are men and females are females, for some reason feminist (a big cancer in society) has changed western women into something which really isn’t that attractive. They view us males as the enemy and they tend to often bitch about small irrelevant things. Creating conflicts where there is none. Of course they will see Asian women as a problem, if western women started acting female like, being feminine and warm, they would not have to fear Asian women. Heck, last time I was home and held up the door for a woman she gave me that look, almost as if something was wrong with ME, when it truth something was wrong with her. I held up the door for her just as I would pull out the chair for her, but hey, if we can kill this thing with some misguide equality then do it, right? Never going back to white women again, sorry, you are gorgeous and all but much to manly like and aggressive for it to be really attractive long term.
/Swede.
Amanda doesn’t seem like a bitter hater to me. I have many western female friends who are just like her: they’re just shocked and confused because they were told all their lives that they’re the prize, but to land a quality man, they have to work hard, and they’ve now got competitors that are willing to work harder.
Some girls realize this and up their game, others don’t and they settle for a loser, either way the world keeps on turning. Only thing that’s changed is people travel more these days so barriers of geography are coming down. The monopoly western women used to have on western men is ending.
lol Pretty sure white women aren’t missing out on anything when it comes to guys like you. X)
As a long-time (male) resident of Tokyo, I can understand Amanda’s feelings. I’ve heard it all before.
Yes, Japanese girls do pay a lot of attention to their appearance — but the makeup and the meticulous attention to detail means less, I wager, to most men, than it does to other women! Nor is Japanese “submissivenss” a factor– because it doesn’t really exist (as I think someone commented). The Japanese are polite, indirect, and socially careful. The ‘tatemae’ is definitely different from the ‘hone’. This can be extraordinarily frustrating for foreign men who often complain that they really can’t figure out what their Japanese dates are thinking.
All that aside there are simple reasons why foreign women lose out.
First — supply and demand. There are more of THEM than there are of YOU. So, a lot more choice.
What that means is that it is simply a lot easier to find an attractive J-girl than an attractive foreigner. Of course, there are some very attractive foreign girls here — fit, beautiful girls — models, for example. But a lot of these guys won’t date foreign guys — they prefer to date well-off Japanese guys. Again, supply and demand!
Physically, Japanese women carry less fat than, say, American or British women — except for subcutaneous fat, which is a genetic thing. Less body fat translates to a better hip to waist ratio — which, as you will know from evolutionary psychology is a universal turn-on. The subcutaneous fat in the face means smoother skin, with less premature wrinkling. The lack of body hair also contributes to a ‘smoother’ appearance — hence a younger, “fitter” appearance, another advantage — if “self genes’ are operating (as they usually do.
As far as foreign women are concerned I find cultural differences between Americans and Europeans. It is hard to generalize — but Americans often seem more narcissistic. European women, by contrast, are more natural, more intuitive. Again, this is a generalization. Let’s just say, there is a tendency this way. A lot of American women (and men) are “WYSIWYG”. They are insistent about their honesty and candor — when in fact they are nothing of the kind. And WYSIWYG is oh so one dimensional.
Again, generalizations…..
@Eric “April 13, 2013 at 4:36 am”
Completely agree with you.